


Falling For You

by RiverSongFallenAngel221B



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 20,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2406086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverSongFallenAngel221B/pseuds/RiverSongFallenAngel221B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This takes place at the end of season 7 Cas and Dean escaped SucroCorp without going to purgatory just barely, this fic starts several days later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Actually Happy

"What are _you_ doing here?" Dean's voice was a lot rougher than he meant it to be but he wasn't about to apologize, especially to Cas.

"I- I'm so- sorry Dean... _really_ , I am" said Cas and he looked down, he had always been so welcome with the Winchesters and he wasn't quite sure why he was suddenly being excluded.

"Just get out of here" Dean glared at him and tried to close the door on him but Cas, looking like a sad puppy, refused to move out of the way.

"I don't understand Dean... Just help me to understand and then I will leave" he said dejectedly.

"Fine" said Dean in a huff as he sat back down at the desk "stay in that doorway forever if you want! I don't care!" Dean angrily grabbed a large knife and drew a dramatically long line in his arm with it which immediately started to bleed.

"I see that you are hurting Dean" said Cas in a low voice "just let me stay" he threw his arm out as a disheartened gesture to the sigil that Dean was currently drawing on the desk " _please_ " Cas said in a very hurt manner.

"What's going on here?" Sam asked as he walked up behind Cas who was still standing in the doorway looking at Dean. Cas moved aside a little so Sam could shuffle past him.

"Nothing, don't bother with it" Dean murmured. _Sam don't you dare stop me from dispatching this pitiful excuse for an angel_ Dean thought trying his best to convince himself that this was really how he felt _._

"Come in Cas!" Sam said as he threw a rag over the blood on the table to an angry groan and glare from Dean.

"I don't think I am allowed" said Cas staring at Dean sadly.

"Of course you are!" Sam said throwing a meaningful glance in Dean's direction.

"Ya sure come in buddy!" Dean said, his voice dripping with heavy sarcasm . _Idiot_ thought Sam as he rolled his eyes at Dean.

"Excuse us for one moment would you" Sam said to Cas as he pushed Dean out of his chair and past Cas into the hallway and pulled the door mostly closed behind them to push Cas into the room.

"No, Sammy" Dean growled "No"

"Come on just talk to the guy! He looks so broken hearted!" Sam pleaded and gave Dean the same look that he did when they were kids, which Sam knew would help him get his way.

"Fine" Dean sighed through gritted teeth "I will talk to him, but only long enough for the son-" Dean stopped as Cas poked his head out around the door frame.

"Sorry" Cas said to the floor "I felt left out..."

Sam gave Dean a smile and 'went out to get them some dinner' as he had told Cas or more factually to walk around for an hour or so before getting food to allow them to talk, maybe he would order them a pizza Sam smirked.

\---

"What is bothering you?" Cas asked gingerly.

" _You_ " Dean replied forcefully.

"I am sorry to have wronged you. This was not my intent" Cas sighed as he looked at the floor, not able to stare into Dean's fiery green eyes. Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingertips hoping that when he opened them again Cas would be gone and he wouldn't have to stay angry at him and his annoying, innocent, _cute_ face. He opened his eyes to stop his thoughts from following that train of thought but jumped when he saw that Cas was closer to him then he had expected and staring deeply and sadly into his face.

"Why did you do it?" Dean asked backing away uncomfortably and shifting his focus anywhere but Cas.

"Don't know Dean! I just forgot..." Cas trailed off.

"Forgot what!? That doesn't make any sense!!" Dean shouted.

"I deserve this" Cas said mostly to himself, just loud enough for Dean to hear.

"What?" Dean said, taken aback by Cas' strange response "what does that even mean?"

"It means that I, Castiel, am deserving or worthy of this, in our situation meaning you yelling at me and furthermore-" Cas explained slowly knowing that Dean knew all of this already and wondering why he would ask.

"No, Cas, I know what that _actually_ meant" Dean interrupted trying to stay angry at Cas even though it was difficult not to smile at Cas being as unfamiliar with common human language as the day that they met, _what a day that was_ Dean remembered fondly.

"I don't understand Dean" Cas said taking Dean from his memories.

"It was an expression Cas" Dean very nearly laughed but kept his voice steady.

"Oh, right like when you said _bite me_ " Cas said remembering that misunderstanding and tried to keep from smiling even though that wasn't necessarily what he was asking and he knew that Dean understood that.

"You realize what you did was wrong don't you?" Dean said sternly as if he were taking to a child.

"But why? I thought after what you..." Cas trailed off not wanting to repeat this to Dean as that seemed to further anger him the last time "I mean I didn't even st-"

"Don't say it" Dean said looking down.

"But _you_ -" Cas started but stopped seeing the look on Dean's face "but _we_ -" he tried again but that didn't seem to be any better "I just _thought_ -" Cas found that he could not finish that sentence and instead looked pleadingly at Dean trying to make him understand.

"I know" Dean said more because of the pained look on Cas's face than actual understanding "I just want to make it clear that that was... Well..." Dean didn't remember ever having this much trouble yelling at someone before "it just..." Dean sighed trying to find the right words... Any words at this point would do, Dean had spent too long talking with Cas, he wanted to disappear, possibly forever, _no, definitely forever_ Dean thought. Most of all though, he just wanted to get out of this angel's sight. "You betrayed me" Dean said finally.

"I didn't mean to, I didn't think-" Cas jumped when Dean interrupted him.

"No you didn't did you?" Dean said unable to stop his anger "that was the whole problem! If you would just stop and think about how what you are doing would affect others!" Dean stopped when he heard the sound of angel wings and saw that Cas was gone. "Damn it Cas!" Dean yelled but he let his anger quickly leave him as the pained look that Cas gave him before leaving flashed before his eyes again and again _damn it_ he whispered.

 

 

 

 


	2. Bushes

Sam walked alone down the small sidewalk behind the buildings on the main road thinking about what he was missing back at the hotel room. He knew that Cas was wrong to do what he did but Sam believed that Cas truly didn't know any better, _besides it was really Dean's fault_ Sam thought but he really didn't know what had happened. He also didn't know what was going to come out of this but he hoped that it could be something good, _maybe Dean could actually be happy if-_

Sam's train of thought was cut off when he heard something moving in the bushes. He stopped moving and slowly brought his hand to his pocket and reached for his knife. His hand found it quickly and slowly drew it out. "Who's there?" He called wondering if a more appropriate question was _what's there?_. Sam slowly walked towards the bushes and stopped a few feet away.

"I'm warning you!" Sam said loudly to the bush, knife in hand and ready to attack at any menacing movements and hoping that no one was going to see him standing there and threatening a bush. "Really!" He called out "this is your last chance!!" Sam said to the figure hiding. _Or was that a tree branch?_ Sam thought. _Maybe all of this hunting is getting the best of me, it could have been the wind moving the bush._ Sam backed away from the bush lowering his knife and rubbed his eyes trying to clear any false images from them. He opened his eyes and looked at the bush again shaking his head at his own paranoia. He started to slowly turn away when a figure suddenly jumped from the bush. Sam had his knife up instantly and at the throat of... Wait... "Garth!?" Sam asked not believing his eyes, but very clearly seeing a very naked Garth at the end of his blade and turned away from him as he gave him his jacket.

"Sammy, I am in trouble" Garth said pleadingly " _help me_ "

"What are you doing here Garth?" Sam asked and turned around thankful that he had brought his long gray coat on his walk, he hardly wore it anyways, Garth could just keep it he decided.

"I don't remember" Garth said finishing with the buttons on the large coat "last I remember I was working on a case in Cincinnati!"

"How did you get all the way to Boulder Colorado from Cincinnati without remembering anything!?" Sam asked incredulously.

"Look man, I told you, I don't know!" Garth said defensively.

"Right sorry, why don't you come back to" Sam paused for a moment remembering why he was out walking in the first place "my hotel room" Sam said deciding that this was more important at the moment than Dean and Cas' conversation.

\---

"This one" Sam said as he paused in front of the door listening for sounds of an argument.

"Are we going in?" Garth asked when Sam paused at the door.

"Ya" Sam said and reached in his pocket for a key "I don't have a key" he sighed finally, in all the commotion he must have forgotten, or... he looked down at Garth's pocket, but no, never. Slowly Sam knocked on the door

"Cas you son of a-" Dean said with a smile in his voice that left as he fully opened up the door "Garth?" He asked eyes widening and smile disappearing.


	3. Worry

Off in the middle of a large field several yards from the building that held Dean... and Sam, Cas appeared and fell to his knees "what am I going to do!?" He yelled in anguish. He couldn't face Dean again he thought, a tear rolling down his cheek. Especially not now, Cas knew how much Dean despised  _ feelings _ . Cas had never before experienced these  _ feelings _ , he realized that he was crying but he didn't know what the lump in his throat was or why he was having such difficulty breathing, his breath came in gasps and he felt light-headed. "What is happening to me?" Cas asked no one, he was shocked at the physical reaction that Dean's words were putting him through. "My heart hurts!" He exclaimed through his sobs unaware if he was in fact dying or not. He felt like he was dying, or already dead inside... He wanted to tear his heart out of his chest, it seemed like it would hurt considerably less but he knew that didn't make any sense at all,  _ none of this makes any sense anyways  _ Cas thought  _ why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve such pain? Why can this world be so merciless and unfair? Why does he do this to me? Can't he see.. _ . He was very nearly unable to breath at all now and his air was coming in as shorter and shorter gasps, his diaphragm was pulsing at an unbelievable rate causing his breath to shorten and his grip on the world to loosen. His face was soaked with tears as more and more came streaming down his cheeks as he knelt there in the open field unable to stop them. It started to rain and Cas looked up at the sky. There was only a single dark cloud in the sky and it was raining on him. He tried to calm himself but it was no use and the edges of his vision were already blurring and he was now completely unable to get a breath of air. He really was dying he thought and he slumped forwards and the world around him started to fade to black, "how fitting" he thought just before he fell completely unconscious.

\---

After Sam had explained what had happened on his walk, leaving out the paranoia, Dean turned to Garth.

"So you really don't remember a thing?" Dean asked.

"No" Garth replied becoming a little offended by the lack of belief that they seemed to have in his story "and I would appreciate if you would believe me!"

"Hey listen, it isn't that we don't believe you we just really don't-" Dean was interrupted by Sam.

"Guys look at this!" He said from the window. Garth and Dean got up and joined him at the window to see what he was talking about. 

"Just one storm cloud, don't you think that is odd?" Sam said "I think I better go look into that, it may have something to do with your memory loss Garth" 

"No way Sammy, you are not going alone" Dean said.

"You think I am going to sit here with him!?" Garth asked "I am coming with you!" He said to a sharp glare from Dean.

"First of all, Garth you are only wearing a coat, and Sammy you haven't slept in days! I am going alone and that is final!" Dean said and grabbed a knife "don't worry I will be fine!" Dean snapped when Sam opened his mouth to argue "if I am not back in half an hour then you can worry!" Dean called back as he slammed the door behind him.

\---

As he drew near the edge of the field he saw what looked like a body slumped over under the cloud which was quickly dispersing. He held his knife tightly as he ran to the middle of the field but he stopped short when he saw the long trailing trench coat "CAS!?" Dean yelled but Cas didn't move Dean sprinted the rest of the way, his heart was racing and a tear spring to his eye as the last words that he said to Cas ran through his mind  _ No you didn't did you? _ _ that was the whole problem! If you would just stop and think about how what you are doing would affect others! _ Dean shivered as the thought of his fury came back to him, he was usually able to keep himself so composed and keep his anger bottled up but there was something about looking at Cas that made his emotions want to lash out, it made it very difficult to bottle them up. He bent down beside Cas and rolled him onto his back. "Hey buddy can you hear me!?" Dean said loudly to Cas but he just laid still, unmoving.  _ Why did I have to yell at you? _ Dean thought as he stared at Cas' unmoving form  _ after everything that you have done for me Cas, I am so sorry, how could I not have seen it?  _ Dean quickly checked for a pulse and felt an immediate wave of relief wash over him when he felt Cas' steady heartbeat and he listened to make sure he was breathing. Cas was fine,  _ but what made him leave like that? Why did he come here? Why was there a storm cloud?  _ These questions circled Dean's head as he picked Cas up from the ground and walked back the the hotel "I am so sorry" he whispered to Cas so quietly that only Cas could hear, if he could hear him.

 


	4. Trying

"I'm sure he will be ok!" Garth said to Sam who was still watching out of the window

"Ya, you're probably right!" Sam said feigning relief "it isn't like danger follows us where ever we go, it's not like our job is to track down all of the danger and kill it, you're right, he is probably just fine!"

"You seem stressed" Garth said folding his hands together as if he were a therapist. "Here have a drink" Garth offered a paper cup with some of Dean's whiskey.

"Thanks" Sam said unthinking and grabbed the cup he turned back to the window just as there was a loud  _ thud  _ at the door like someone kicked it hard. Sam put down the cup and quickly opened the door to find a worried Dean holding an unconscious Cas in his arms.

"What have you done!?" Garth asked looking from Dean to Sam as if to say  _ you see this!? _

"I found him like this!" Dean growled back.

"In the field?" Sam said worried.

"Right under the storm cloud" Dean nodded

As he set Cas gently on the couch and pulled a pillow under his head before he turned around. 

"Have you tried to wake him?" Sam asked and then seeing the worry on Dean's face he quickly added "maybe he just needs to sleep!"

"I don't know" Dean admitted and he turned to face Cas again.

"Why don't you get some sleep Garth?" Sam asked gesturing to one of the two beds. He was trying to give Dean and Cas some privacy but that was hard to do in a hotel room. Despite the fact that Dean had almost no more privacy than before he was grateful that Sam was trying.

"Ya ok" Garth yawned and hopped onto a bed pulling a blanket over himself even though he was still wearing Sam's thick coat. Sam walked to the closet and found an extra blanket and pillow he handed the blanket to Dean for Cas before leaving them as alone as he could by walking across the room and busying himself. There were only two beds in the room and although Sam knew that Dean probably wouldn't use it, he wanted to leave one bed for him in case he decided to sleep that night. Instead of the second bed, he raised the computer chair so that the seat was the height of the desk and he sat down in the chair with his feet on the desk and the pillow behind his head and pretended to fall asleep before Dean noticed that Sam was giving him a bed and forced him to take it instead. Sam was surprised to find that it was actually very nearly comfortable.

\---

Dean was sitting by Cas attempting to softly wake him to make sure he was alright. He barely even noticed when Sam handed him a blanket but he quickly laid it over Cas. Dean softly shook Cas until he started to stir. He looked around the room to make sure the other two were sleeping, it was at this point that he noticed Sam's makeshift bed and he almost got up to force Sam to take the other bed but Cas was waking. 

 


	5. Not Heaven

Feeling groggy and still light headed Cas began to regain consciousness he remembered where he passed out but this felt softer, warmer, and considerably more welcoming. Not heaven then Cas thought to himself and chuckled softly. Cas realized where he was and he immediately shot upright and saw Dean's face as he looked around the dark hotel room.  
"Cas, what happened? Are you ok?" Dean's voice came as a whisper.  
"I am fine Dean" Cas stated trying to keep his voice calm and steady and not break into another outburst of feelings he felt like another might seriously kill him, he was still wondering how the last one didn't. "It is late, you should sleep"  
"Not until I know you are ok!" Dean said trying to suppress the yawn that came from the mention of sleep.  
"I said I am fine, I am not physically damaged" Cas said shortly trying to avoid the inevitable question.  
"What happened Cas" Dean asked, clearly and concerned. Cas panicked, he knew Dean hated talking about feelings, Cas still even felt unfamiliar with that word, and so he did the only thing he could think of, he touched Dean's head softly and made him fall asleep and he quickly carried him to the open bed and considered fleeing but he had had enough running for a day and he looked around the room in sad silence.  
\---  
Sam was pretending to sleep when he heard Cas stirring and felt Dean's eyes on him. He heard sudden movement and almost opened his eyes, he remained still, he heard Dean's whispered voice and Cas's soft reply. Dean was asking Cas questions now and Sam opened his eyes a little to see if he could read Cas' response on his lips. When Sam opened his eyes, however, he saw Cas touching Dean's head and Dean falling away from him, he shut his eyes quickly and waited for a thud when Dean hit the floor but it didn't come, Cas must have caught him. Sam heard steps taken and creaking springs on the other mattress and he opened his eyes again and caught Cas' wandering glance. He got up and pulled a reluctant Cas into the hallway.


	6. Through the Night

"What were you thinking?" Sam asked. He was tired but he was more concerned for Dean and Cas at the moment.

"I am sorry Sam" Cas replied looking at the floor.

"Just let me know what's wrong, you can tell me, I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to!" Sam said thinking of what Dean would say if he had heard him right now and leaning on the wall trying to make the sleep paralysis that was still trying to set in his legs go away.

"Really?" Cas asked hopefully "I thought you two didn't keep secrets?"

"You really think _Dean_ tells me everything!?" Sam laughed.

"Oh" Cas said looking down.

"Sorry Cas, what's up?" Sam asked feeling bad for laughing.

"I don't know what to do" Cas moaned as a tear dripped down his face followed by another and another.

"You mean about what happened a few days ago?" Sam asked trying to sound as calming as he could and Cas nodded but remained silent refusing to look Sam in the eyes.

"He wanted me to" Cas said into his arms as he slid down the wall, tears still streaming down his face.

"What?" Sam was shocked but he sat down next to him grateful that he didn't have to stand on his legs that felt stiff and sore.

"I said _he wanted me_ -" Cas said louder

"No, Cas I heard you" Sam interrupted quietly trying not to wake anyone who was trying to sleep, he checked his watch and groaned inwardly; _it was four in the morning_.

"So that wasn't really a question then, I was wondering," Cas said "I saw a look of comprehension on your face"

"How did you know he wanted you to?" Sam asked, he did believe Cas, it made sense.

"I read his mind" Cas said and continued when he saw Sam's disbelieving look "I can read minds, usually it would be a painful process for the subject but Dean's mind was screaming it, I got the message just by looking at him and I did as he wished"

"That doesn't sound like mind reading" Sam said "it sounds like you just read his body language"

"I don't know, it's possible" Cas said shaking his head "all I know is that he _wanted_ me to!"

"Did you want to do what you did?" Sam asked still a little too _uncomfortable_ with saying it out loud.

"Yes" Cas said and stood up again "are you ok Sam?" Cas asked concerned, wiping the tears from his face.

"I'm fine" Sam replied, although he doubted that this was very convincing as when he tried to follow Cas up he fell over and was now poking at his legs trying to wake them up.

"How long has it been since you have slept?" Cas asked concern rising.

"I'm not sure" Sam admitted "I think it has been four days, _five_ counting tonight" Sam said more sorely than he had hoped

"Why?" Cas asked attempting to help him up and ignoring the sour tone.

"I just haven't been able to.." Sam thought back throughout the week and remembered driving through the night because _Dean_ was knocked unconscious, because _Dean_ had been transported with Cas, or because _Dean_ fell asleep at the wheel... _again_ , or in tonight's case because he was trying to console a _weeping angel_.

"Here" Cas said gently and placed his fingers on Sam's face. Sam fell into a deep sleep; he felt as if he had left his body lying on the most comfortable bed in the universe and his very soul was resting beside it. He knew that he was probably crammed in the back of the Impala under one of Dean's old, ratty, _but oddly comforting_ blankets by now as he was sure that he couldn't have been sleeping for less than nine hours but he didn't care, he felt as if he could sleep the rest of his life away and be perfectly happy. He rested for what felt like days, getting the best sleep he ever had in his entire life. When he felt ready to face the world again he opened his eyes to find that he was still sitting in the hallway with Cas who had just removed his fingers.

"Better?" Cas asked smiling.

"I feel great! What did you do?" He asked but didn't listen to the answer, he was too busy marveling at how it felt to be running on sleep again. He had been running on pure adrenalin for at least a few months; he would work and research late into the night and wake up early in the morning to put on an uncomfortable suit and talk to another victim of something _horrible_.

"-although you will need sleep again tonight, this should tide you over until then" Cas finished looking kindly at Sam. Sam stood up quickly and smiled at Cas.

"We should probably not wake the others" Sam smiled "I have to grab my computer to do some research but then what do you think about getting some breakfast? Unless of course you want to sleep!"

"I am an angel Sam" Cas reminded him "I do not require sleep _or food_ unless my vessel is weak"

"Good" said Sam "breakfast it is then!" He snuck in the room as quietly as he could so he wouldn't wake Dean and Garth and grabbed his laptop and went to join Cas in the hall.

 

 


	7. Mass Delusion

As they entered a local diner Cas pulled Sam aside.  
"Should we be doing this without Dean?" He asked nervously.  
"You mean eating breakfast?" Sam asked nearly laughing.  
"It is one of Dean's favorite meals" Cas pointed out.  
"Ya, along with lunch and dinner" Sam actually laughed this time. "Look, I promise it will be fine, if he has a problem with it I will take the blame!" Cas relaxed a little at this and walked inside followed by Sam who immediately stopped.  
"What's wrong?" Cas asked looking around for an explanation for Sam's hesitation.  
"Charlie?" Sam asked to a red headed woman sitting alone in a booth.  
"Sam!" She said when she saw him. She smiled widely and welcoming but then her face suddenly fell "what's happening this time?" She asked reluctantly.  
"Well honestly, we don't quite know" Sam admitted.  
"Ok, well that's terrifying" Charlie laughed nervously.  
"Don't worry, we are on it" Sam said reassuringly.  
"Who's your friend?" Charlie asked tentatively.  
"Oh, right, sorry, this is Castiel" Sam gestured to him "Cas, meet Charlie"  
"It's nice to meet you!" Charlie said. And Cas nodded awkwardly.  
"Cas here is an angel" Sam said to Charlie to break the thickening awkward silence.  
"Really!?" Charlie asked, her eyes lighting up with everything games or books ever told her  about angels.  
\---   
After about an hour of "is it true that..." questions from Charlie and almost always a "no" from Cas, Dean called Sam. Sam closed his laptop, frustrated about not finding any helpful information and got up from the booth to answer Dean's call.  
"Hey! Where the hell are you?" Dean said frustrated that he had fallen asleep and trying to remember when he had gone to bed.  
"We are at the diner across the street" Sam said patiently.  
"We? Cas there with you?" Dean questioned.  
"Ya, and guess who we met here?"   
"I have no idea"  
"Charlie"  
\---  
Dean showed up at the diner and sat down at their booth in the only available seat; right next to Cas. After quickly throwing a classic Dean I hate you look at Sam he smiled at Charlie.  
"What have you been up to my queen?" Dean asked with a wink and a slight bow.  
"In what way is she a queen?" Cas asked Dean before Charlie could respond.  
"Not now Cas" Dean said with absolutely no patience in his voice and Sam kicked him hard in the shin but Dean kicked right back.  
"I am a LARPer" Charlie said ignoring the shin kicking war happening beside her.  
"What is that? Cas asked squinting slightly and tilting his head a little to the side as if he was trying to read the meaning of Charlie's words from the air.  
"I LARP, you know, live action role playing" Charlie said hopefully.  
"I don't know" replied Cas.  
"It's basically where a bunch of people get together and act like they are someone else; a character of their choosing and work together to conquer other tribes or solve problems!" She said enthusiastically.  
"I don't understand, why would people join this mass delusion?" Cas asked intrigued.  
"It isn't mass delusion, we know it isn't real but it is fun!" She said losing her I enthusiasm as she tried to make him understand.  
"Enough!" Sam yelled at Dean who had managed to hit his shin in the same spot several times.   
"Ok fine" Dean said and got one last kick in before standing up and saying "we should get going anyway"   
"Fine" said Sam rubbing his bruised shins "where?"  
"I told Garth we would meet him at the thrift shop down the street so he could get some clothes, I also told him to burn the coat" Dean said and Cas got up to go with him.  
"Good" Sam laughed and then got up to follow Dean and Cas out of the diner with a nod to Charlie.  
"Wait!" Charlie yelled after them "can I come to?" She asked when she caught up to them.  
"Ya, why not?" Dean said.  
"Dean, we already do not have enough space in our room," Cas said and Dean blushed slightly hoping that no one heard  Cas say our room "I don't think we can fit another"  
"It's fine Cas, we can get another room" Dean said in a low voice trying to not to draw attention to their conversation.


	8. Seduction

After ten minutes of waiting Dean was getting impatient.

"Where the hell is he?" Dean asked no one in particular which Cas decided was himself.

"If we knew where he was, we wouldn't be waiting here for him Dean" Cas answered

"You don't friggin' say! It was a rhetorical question Cas. Did you really think I wanted an answer?" Dean said in a frustrated tone. Cas decided not to respond to this as he seemed like he wasn't really asking, he also decided to look up common rhetorical questions when they got to their room because he seemed to be angering Dean.

\---

After another ten minutes Dean decided that they would leave Garth behind, if he was even coming at all.

"Ok that's it!" He said "everyone into the car! We will just have to start this investigation by ourselves!"

They turned to leave but Dean looked over his shoulder before getting into the car and saw Cas walking across the street.

"Cas!" He yelled "get back here! Where are you going?" At this Cas looked over his shoulder, saw Dean, and sprinted around the corner.

"I am here Dean" came Cas' voice from the back seat. Dean looked back and sure enough he was sitting in the car next to Charlie.

"What the..." Dean heard Sammy's voice saying.

"Did you see that too?" Dean asked getting into the car.

"Ya. Cas just ran up the sidewalk across the street... " Sam trailed off looking spooked.

"I was sitting here the whole time" said Cas confused.

"I saw him," came Charlie's voice from the back seat "he was sitting there while you were yelling"

"Ok, what the hell is going on around here!?" Dean yelled. Cas opened his mouth to reply but closed it again, Dean really didn't seem like he wanted an answer to that.

\---

"As far as I can tell, the only thing that could explain both events is a wraith or a shapeshifter" Sam observed closing his laptop and stretching. "Either way, looks like we better stock up on silver"

"What about a siren?" Cas asked tentatively

"It couldn't be a siren" Charlie piped up "unless Garth tried to seduce one of you"

"Not necessarily" Dean interjected remembering the last time that they ran into a siren "it could be a completely platonic relationship, Sammy seemed to be becoming great friends with the guy" Sam glared at Dean but moved on.

"Ok but none of these explain why he showed up naked in a bush" Sam pointed out.

"Well maybe he was a siren and he was trying to seduce you!" Dean laughed.

"No, he must have been showing you that he was utterly defenseless, this would allow you to trust him easier" Cas explained.

"But he still didn't make me try to kill Dean!" Sam exclaimed.

"The sirens song must be passed through saliva, it probably tried and it realized that it was getting nowhere with you and changed skin" Charlie said.

"I guess, but it would have better intuition than that if it were a siren" Sam said. "A shape shifter with a motive would make more sense."

 

 


	9. Punches

"Ok, one more time, in the morning we will meet here at seven o'clock precisely and make sure everything went ok during the night, group A in room 116 will move down to the sewers to see if there are any traces of anything nasty living down there, group B in room 118 will be checking out the four abandoned buildings that we have found, have your radio on at all times and keep the line clear, if you have found something, report it to the group immediately and we will meet at the diner as soon as possible, if we can't find anything, we will meet back at the hotel at nine. Any questions?" Sam asked the three watching him "no? Alright I will see you down here tomorrow morning!" And they split off into their rooms. Sam and Dean had decided that the night would go more smoothly if there was a hunter in each room, so Dean had said that he would go in room 118 with Charlie and Sam would take the room with Cas.

\---

Dean was exhausted and happy to get some sleep when he walked up to room 118 and slid the card in the lock but it didn't work. He must have been wrong about the number Dean thought blushing at the thought of Cas opening up the door so he quickly ran to the next room over and slid the card in and waited until the green light flashed to push the handle and open the door.

"Hello Dean" came Cas' voice from inside the room.

"What the hell are you doing in here!?" Dean jumped. Cas paused for a moment not sure if this was rhetorical or not but his silence seemed to anger Dean.

"You told me this was my room!" Cas moaned "you said that I was under no circumstances allowed the enter the other room!" Dean sighed, friggen' Sammy must have accidentally given him the wrong card. He turned to get the right card but saw his duffle bag sitting neatly in a chair. Friggen' Sammy must have _purposely_ given him the wrong card he corrected himself.

"Fine" Dean said too tired to care which room he was in "I don't care anymore" Dean said and fell down onto a bed.

"I care" Cas said softly "I care plenty"

\---

"What are you doing Sam?" Charlie asked.

"Listening for punches" Sam replied then looked back at her and smiled. She was wearing a pair of footed pajamas that was covered with spaceships.

"Hey, a girl has gotta get her nerd on sometime!" She replied to his smile. "So, any punches?"

"No" Sam said sitting down on a bed "not that I have heard anyway"

 


	10. Smiling

"Fine, you wanna talk it out? Let's talk it out" Dean sighed, he just wanted things to get back to normal, _huh normal, what was that even like?_

"I saw that you wanted me to-" Cas started but stopped when Dean gave him a menacing glance. "How is anything ever going to get resolved if you refuse to face the facts Dean?"

"What facts?" Dean jeered "what am I _refusing_ to face?"

"You won't even let me say it!" Cas complained.

"Say what? That you kissed me?" Dean yelled looking at Cas with ferocity burning in his bright green eyes.

"Yes, that I kissed you" Cas looked down "what I really don't understand though is why are you refusing to admit it?"

"What do you want me to say Cas?" Dean yelled breathlessly "that I _liked_ it?"

"Is that what you refuse to face?" Cas asked.

"I dunno Cas, I just don't know" Dean said and slumped back onto the bed staring at the ceiling. He was frustrated with Cas for asking so many questions but he had to admit to himself that he did like the curiosity.

"You don't remember what really happened" Cas turned to him looking concerned. "Remember" he said watched Dean as he lay there on his bed with his eyes closed remembering that night, not as he had chosen to remember, but as it really happened.

\---

_It was windy and warm that night, Cas and Dean had been fighting Dick Roman together, they had won, they had put an end to the leviathans. It was the first time Dean had seen Cas return back to normal for a long time. There was victory in the air surrounding them as they flew out of the SucroCorp building. Cas had taken them out quickly and they appeared side by side laughing in the soft summer breeze. Dean and Cas looked at each other and Cas took Dean's hand and pulled him closer, there were lights and wreckage all around them but all Dean could see was Cas. Cas pushed Dean's hands underneath his trench coat and pulled him in closer in. Cas ran his hand through Dean's hair pushing through the gelled surface slowly smiling at how it felt, Dean was smiling too. He was pulling Cas in by his belt loops, Dean was happy, this just felt so right, he relaxed as he never had before when Cas put his arms around him. Dean's heart was beating fast and he felt his face flush with color as Cas leaned forward and pressed his lips on Dean's cheek and he stared lovingly into Cas' eyes, he hadn't realized this before but he could finally see it now, he was trying so hard to be so painstakingly heterosexual that he had completely ignored a different part of him. A part of himself that had completely different ideas in mind, he had managed to suppress these feelings so much that he forgot that they were ever there. He pulled Cas closer to him, recognizing for the first time in a long time these feelings and they all came out in one seemingly fatal swoop as he kissed Cas smiling against his lips. He stood here with Cas wanting to be closer than even possible. He kissed him passionately until he saw the headlights of the impala shining on him. Quickly Dean had pushed Cas away with too much force. Cas fell over and landed in the dirt staring up at Dean with a hurt look in his eyes. It took everything Dean had to stand there and yell at him for kissing him. "How could you!?" He yelled on the outside when inside he was screaming "I love you!". He turned away from Cas quickly as Sam jumped out of the car not sure what was happening or if anything was happening at all but he offered Cas a hand up. Cas had looked past Sam to Dean with the most agonizingly wounded look, as if all of the happiness in his life had just stranded him with no hope of survival, and with the quiet sound of wings, he was gone._

\---

"Why didn't you tell him the truth?" Dean asked when he opened his eyes again to a dark room.

"You didn't want me to" Cas replied. Dean felt a very sudden and strong pang of guilt.

"Why should that matter?" Dean asked through the lump in his throat.

"Because you matter so much to me; you are the most important thing in my world" Cas replied sounding as honest as he ever had. Dean sat up and looked at Cas who sat down on the bed next to him.

"Why would you choose me?" Dean asked almost sheepishly "I am no good at love and you know it"

"But you could be" Cas whispered grabbing his hand, "besides, I am no good at it either" Cas moved closer to Dean eyeing his lips with a strong want behind his eyes. Dean watched him move closer but he stayed still, he was worried about something he had never even thought of before; _he was worried that he wasn't good enough._

"I'm sorry Cas" Dean said as he laid back down on the bed falling away from Cas' lips before they could meet his "I am no good for you, I am selfish and arrogant, I don't want to walk all over you, but I would, given the chance. It is just the sort of guy I am"

"You wouldn't though" Cas said "you are a good guy deep down, I know it" Cas lowered his voice as he laid back with Dean and pulled his arms around him. "Good night Dean" he whispered and fell asleep with Dean in his arms.

 


	11. Light

Sam woke with a start and sat straight up in his bed. He checked the time, it was only ten He looked over to see Charlie resting comfortably and sighed laying back down. He tried to remember why he had woken but nothing came to mind. He looked around the room but froze when he saw a figure in the chair. He slowly grabbed his gun from under his pillow, thankful that Dean had made it quiet enough to shot indoors without raising an alarm, and then quickly turned on the lights and pointed his gun that he had filled with silver bullets at the figure. Charlie woke up startled by the light then screamed seeing that there was someone else in the room. She looked at Sam who had his gun pointed at the intruder but he was shaking badly. The girl in the chair just sat and smiled at Sam. "Hey" she said in a sweet voice smiling kindly at Sam "did you miss me?" Sam steadied his hand and shot at her hitting her in the stomach "ouch" she said calmly.

"Sam, what's going on?" Charlie asked feeling absolutely terrified. She looked at Sam but it was obvious he was going to be no help;  there was a tear streaming down his cheek and he was shaking worse than ever. He then jumped up and stood in the middle of the room and fired another shot into the head this time.

"What's wrong Sammy?" The girl said as she got up and walked towards him "is your silver bullet not working?" Sam jumped at her touch but he didn't move otherwise Charlie ran to pull her off of him but the girl was too strong, she overpowered Charlie and threw her against the wall, Charlie hit it hard and then fell onto the bed unconscious. Dean and Cas burst through the door but they were too late to save Sam, the girl kissed him and whispered something in his ear.

"Don't listen to her!" Dean yelled "you know that she isn't real! You know _Jessica_ is dead!"

Dean and Cas ran towards him Dean tackled Sam and cut his arm open with a bronze dagger.

"Sorry Sammy" Dean said as he caught the blood on the blade. He looked around to see that Cas was trying to pin Jessica down but she was too strong for him she ran down the hall, Dean ran after her but she was already gone.

"Damn it!" Dean yelled as he walked back into the room around to see that sam was holding a gun to his head.

"Sammy this isn't you!" Dean called trying to reason with him. Suddenly there was a light and Sam fell to the floor with Cas standing behind him, "thanks" Dean said staring shocked at Cas.

 


	12. Last Bit of Normalcy

Charlie laid on the bed blackness surrounding her. She couldn't see anything, hear anything, or even feel anything. It was darker than the darkest black she had ever seen, it seemed as if no light could cut through it. She was soon proven wrong, however, when a bright light shone through the darkness she heard a voice, "Charlie? Can you hear me?", and she could feel her body awakening. She opened her eyes and saw Cas looking down at her "Are you ok?" He asked as she slowly sat up and looked around the room.

"I'm fine" Charlie answered trying to decide if the events of that night were a dream or not. She looked around the room for clues and decided when she saw Sam tied up on the bed. "So it wasn't a dream" Charlie said after a little while.

"No" Dean said trying but failing to sound reassuring.

"Who was that girl?" Charlie asked remembering Sam's reaction to seeing her.

"Well it was a siren" Cas started but realized that wasn't what she was asking and quickly added "I don't know who it was portraying though"

"It was Jessica" Dean said.

"Who was she to Sam?" Charlie quietly asked.

"She was the last bit of normalcy that he had, that he might _ever_ have" Dean said looking down. "It was my fault that she died really, our dad had just gone missing and I took Sammy along to help me find him. Sammy got back to her two days later but when he did, yellow eyes killed her the same way he killed our mom" The room was silent for a few minutes. Sam started to stir and when he fully woke he yanked on his bonds hard trying to get at Dean. "This isn't you Sammy!" Dean said again. As he yanked on the restraints leaving dark marks on his wrists and ankles. "You really don't want to do this" Dean warned.

"Yes I do" Sam spat at Dean his words full of venom "you never trust me Dean! How am I ever going to be happy if you keep ruining my life!?" Dean was hurt at these words, he realized that Sam could have a good life without him, he would have been able to protect Jessica, he would have become a lawyer and had a great _normal_ life, away from all of this danger.

"I am sorry about that Sammy" Dean whispered as Cas got up and made Sam sleep again. Silence once more filled the room. Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder and held it there for a minute.

"It is going to be ok Dean" Charlie said "we will get this siren and Sam will be alright." They spent the rest of the night reading all of the lore on sirens they could find and any news that could be related to the siren and they found nothing that Dean didn't already know from the last time they met a siren.

"Ok, so I am doubting that she hid, I bet she just changed appearances, she just got into town, she will be making more kills." Dean said "we can go out tomorrow, and use mirrors to find the son-of-a-"

"Dean" Cas said looking at him pleadingly, Cas hated it when Dean cussed, it made him seem so rough. Dean sighed and continued "anyways, using mirrors it shouldn't be too difficult to find" Dean said with a cautious hopeful smile.

 


	13. Dripped In Blood

The next day Dean Cas and Charlie split up around town going everywhere looking at everyone they could find in a mirror they each had a bronze dagger dripped in Sam's blood. Dean tried to be as discreet as possible by standing at a very busy intersection and attaching a mirror to each side of a building so he could watch every one. Charlie walked around town holding her mirror at an angle and kept her head down and watched every one who passed by. Cas went for a less discrete option and stared down every one that he met through the mirror, he didn't care if it made them uncomfortable, he trusted no one that the Winchesters didn't specifically tell him to trust, this just happened to be over 99% of the earth's population but so be it.

\---

It took most of the day until Charlie found her walking down the sidewalk but it was so busy around her, she couldn't just stab someone walking down the street, instead she texted Dean and followed her, Dean found Cas and quickly made his way to Charlie using the gps he had set up on her phone.

\---

"Why is she not _dead_ yet?" Dean asked Charlie as he pulled up alongside her in the impala as she got in.

"There are so many people around!" Charlie explained.

"Ok fine" Dean said getting out of the car "keep it running!" He said to Charlie as she slid into to drivers seat. "hey Molly!" He said when he caught up to her he pressed the bronze knife into her back and said "wanna ride?" He pushed her into the back seat with Cas who quickly drew his blade.

\---

"Just park there" Dean said pointing to the side of the road. They had been driving for too long but Dean didn't complain; he knew that Charlie just wanted to make sure they would be safe from prying eyes of busy city streets. She parked and they got out of the car slowly, making sure that there were two knives pointed at the siren the whole time. Dean pulled his knife back and prepared to stab her but stopped when she yelled "Don't you want to know why?"

"Your a monster," Dean said " you don't need a reason" and he pulled back again only to be stopped again.

"I was _hired_!" She yelled.

"By who?" Dean asked pressing the blade to her neck suddenly interested.

" _Crowley_ " she choked.

"Why would you tell us this? It won't stop me from killing you" Dean said.

"I know" she choked the knife still pressed to her throat "but if I am going down,  _I am going to take him down with me_ " Dean stabbed her in the heart and looked at Cas and Charlie.

"Alright," he said "looks like we have a king of hell to catch"

 


	14. Benefit of the Doubt

Back at the hotel Sam was already up. He sat up quickly when they walked in, but he fell back down as his hands were still tied. He looked almost sick and he didn't try to move or speak.

"You ok Sammy?" Dean asked.

"Ya" Sam said without thinking "can you let me go?" He asked moving his hands. Dean grabbed a lock pick and opened Sam's bonds. "Thanks" Sam said rubbing his wrists. "so, you got her then?" He asked like there was nothing wrong.

"Ya, we ganked her" Dean answered "but she told us an interesting bit of information" he paused waiting for Sam's reaction.

"Well?" Sam asked.

"She was hired" Dean said making this as suspenseful as he could "by Crowley"

\---

"Ok, let me see if I have got this straight" Sam said "your plan now is to gank the king of hell?" Dean nodded and smiled.

"Awe come on Sammy! You know that if he has decided that he wants us dead, he won't stop until we are"

"Ya, I guess so" Sam said.

"You guess so!?" Dean asked incredulously.

"seriously!?" Cas stopped himself from jumping in to answer Dean, this seemed like a conversation that he did not want to be a part of.

"We aren't sure Dean!" Sam responded.

"So what? You think we should give the _king of hell_ the friggen' benefit of the doubt!?" Dean shouted.

"That isn't what I said" Sam responded his voice low in his attempt not to yell.

"Then what?" Dean asked sharply.

"I don't know, something about this doesn't seem right" Sam said.

"It's Crowley Sam" Dean said watching him closely "when does it ever seem _right_ with him?

"I guess that's true," Sam replied "there is something I don't understand; if Crowley wanted us dead why would he send a siren? And why would it show up as Garth then Jessica?" Dean thought for a moment but didn't say anything. "What do you guys think?" Sam asked Charlie and Cas when Charlie came back from getting lunch.

"Honestly, it seems kinda like he's messing with you" Charlie said, she continued gently "Jessica obviously meant a lot to you" she paused ensuring that she wasn't crossing any boundaries "seeing her again _affected_ you, Crowley was probably just trying to unsettle you"

"Ok, but what about Garth?" Sam asked quickly changing the subject before he had to much time to ponder this.

"He was to give you doubt" Cas offered "if he could get so close to you, who knows who is really walking around us" The room went silent the third time that evening. There was a pause then with a sudden swoop of realization Dean, Sam, and Cas looked at Charlie.

"No, guys _I promise_ it is me!!" Charlie said backing away from their stares.

"Drink this" Dean said as he held out a small flask of holy water. Charlie grabbed it and took a sip.

"See? It's me!" She said confidently. Dean threw a silver chain at her and she caught it. "It really is me!" She said slightly exasperated. The tests went on for several more minutes before they were fully convinced.

"Ok," Sam said after several minutes of silence and yawns "it's been a long day, I think we need some sleep, we can discuss the whole Crowley thing in the morning"

  



	15. Convinced

Back in their own room, Cas looked at Dean and smiled. He moved forward for a kiss but Dean backed away again.

"I've been thinking" Dean said "this can't go on for ever" Cas looked confused and Dean continued "I mean, you are an angel! Aren't there rules against this sort of thing?" Cas looked deeply into Dean's eyes before responding.

"Do you remember when we first met Dean?" Cas asked as he looked away.

"Ya, I shot you twice and stuck a knife in you, I remember it well" Dean laughed.

"I was so confident back then, so sure that I was doing the right thing, I was convinced that I was doing good" Cas sighed "but when I met you everything changed; you taught me to question my directions, you showed me that the line between right and wrong was a massive blur, I realized that I was not always a force for good as I had been brainwashed to think, _you opened my eyes Dean_ "

"You still haven't answered my question" Dean replied.

"Don't you see Dean?" Cas asked as if this was the most basic thing and Dean simply wouldn't understand "I am no angel anymore"

"Yes you are" Dean said reassuringly.

"Physically, yes, but Dean, you changed me" Cas said and paused staring at Dean, wondering how he could possibly not understand " _I fell for you Dean, and it was the best thing to happen to me_ " Dean pulled Cas closer, convinced and in love. He kissed him softly and passionately pressing his body against Cas' as he relaxed. He ran his hand through Cas' hair, which was delightfully soft and smooth. He felt a chill run across Cas and he smiled, breaking off the kiss.

\---

"Dean" Cas said and Dean woke with a start.

"What?" Dean asked worried.

" _I would fall again for you_ " Cas gripped his hand tighter. It was at this moment that Dean realized what he meant, "Cas"

"What" Cas asked looking up.

"I would never ask you to" Dean said and hugged him tightly. When he was alone with Cas, nothing else mattered, he wanted to shout his love from the rooftops, but when he got out there he _couldn't_ do it.

"I'm sorry" Dean said still holding Cas.

"For what?" Cas asked his breath soothing Dean.

"I just can't tell... well, anyone yet" Dean said.

"I know Dean," Cas said "it's ok" Cas held Dean tighter and pulled him in closer. He wanted to be a part of Dean, he had no idea how much he already was.

"Thank you" Dean said, he had found who he wanted to be with for the rest of his life, just seeing him made his whole being light up with joy, when he was gone, Dean felt empty, he never wanted to feel empty again, _he had found his reason to live, and it was laying in his arms._

  



	16. Time

Dean awoke to find that he was alone.

"Cas?" Dean asked feeling a panic rising "Castiel!?" He looked around the room but Cas was no where in sight. "Damn it Cas" Dean said under his breath as he got out of bed and tried to ignore the growing knot in his stomach. He looked around the room for clues as to where he was. This was hard as Cas didn't bring any clothes, he didn't have any belongings.

"I don't need belongings" came the sound of wings and a soothing voice from the corner "I have you"

"Cas you son-of-a-" Dean stopped himself "sorry, where were you?" Cas smiled, _Dean wasn't perfect, but he was trying so hard for him_ , he blushed at the thought.  

"I went out to get you food" Cas said holding up bags. "Your stomach was making noise so I figured I would get you something to eat" he pulled an entire roasted chicken and three large pies from the bag. "I didn't know what to get" Cas said looking at the food, "I hope this is acceptable" Dean laughed softly making sure that Cas didn't think he was laughing at him.

"Ya, it looks great!" Dean smiled. "I don't think I can eat all of that though, I am going to see if Sam and Charlie are up" Dean smiled at Cas and walked out of the room. He almost closed the door but then he quickly walked back in and took Cas' hand and kissed him gently "thank you Cas" Dean whispered in his ear and turned back around to leave.

"I'm sorry" said a flustered Charlie who turned to run out of the room.

"Charlie! Wait!" Dean yelled as he ran after her. He caught up to her quickly and pulled her back into Dean and Cas' room.

"Look, I didn't see anything" Charlie started.

"Oh ya, that's why you ran!" Dean said sarcastically.

"Ok, I'm sorry, _but I just saw you kiss!"_ Charlie said hopeful that this was comforting. "And, it was really sweet" she smiled. Dean sighed, he didn't know what to do; part of him was excited that someone else knew but another part of him was angry that she had seen them kiss. "I won't tell anyone! I know you probably want to keep it secret what with your _fiercely heterosexual facade_ " she said.

"It's not a-" Dean stopped "well, it wasn't always..." Dean sighed angrily "maybe it was, I don't know" he sat down on the bed and Cas walked over and sat down next to him trying to tell him that it was ok without making Dean uncomfortable.

"Also, I just have to say, you have just made fans of the books _so happy_ " Charlie laughed.

"What do you mean?" Dean and Cas asked together causing Dean to sigh and move away from Cas.

"Well, a lot of people ship it" Charlie couldn't help but grin at the confusion on their faces "you don't know what a ship is do you?" Dean and Cas looked at each other then back to her.

"If you mean a vessel that travels across the ocean, then yes I know what you mean" Cas said knowing that this was probably not what she meant.

"Not exactly! It's internet slang, it's short for relationship, it just means that lots of people want you two to be together, you even have a ship name" Charlie smiled.

"What is it" Dean said eyebrows raised not sure if this was actually something that he wanted to know.

"It's _destiel_ " Charlie said trying to stop herself from fangirling because she was really explaining this to them. They looked at each other and smiled a little.

"Do you want me to go?" Charlie asked as Dean and Cas blushed.

"No" Dean said quickly, "we have breakfast anyways" Charlie looked at the assortment of food on the table.

"I see that" she said chuckling softly. "Should I get Sam?"

\---

"Hey, where they up?" Sam asked as Charlie entered the room.

"Yup, and Cas brought breakfast... Well kind of" she laughed remembering the food that was there.

"What do you mean kind of?" Sam asked.

"Well, he just didn't bring typical breakfast foods" she said trying to stall as long as possible. She was trying to give Cas and Dean the time to talk about what had happened. _It really is the least I could do_ she thought.

"Such as" Sam asked becoming less interested in the conversation and moving to the door.

"Pies" she said quickly to regain Sam's attention "three of them, and a whole roasted chicken" Sam looked back and laughed.

"Really?" He said "Cas hasn't gotten any better at shopping, I will have to teach him sometime"

"Maybe you could send Dean with him next time" Charlie said trying not to be too obvious.

"Do you think that would be any better?" Sam laughed "Dean is just as bad as Cas, maybe worse!"

"I doubt that" she lied trying to delay longer.

"Really?" Sam asked walking farther into the room and leaned on the wall "one time he came back with ten pounds of jerky"

"That's not so bad" Charlie said.

"You would feel differently if you at jerky for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for almost a week" Sam laughed. "and another time he came back with a single pack of gum and a container of salt, he said that he just forgot what he was there for so he got the _essentials_ and left" Sam shook his head "anyway, we should probably get over there" Sam said and started walking to the door. Charlie ran out of topics that didn't give her away so she quickly checked the time as she ran after him, she had only managed five minutes, she hoped it was enough but just in case she knocked on the door quickly giving them a warning before Sam burst in the room.

\---

"Thanks Charlie" Dean said as she ran out of the room to get Sam. A silence fell heavy over the room in which Dean would not even look at Cas. This went on for a minute before Dean broke it "what's taking her so long?" Dean asked.

"I don't know" Cas responded and then hush fell over the room again, this one only lasted for a few moments before Cas spoke again "do you want to talk about it?" Cas asked gingerly.

"About Charlie?" Dean shook his head "no, I trust her not to tell"

"Why don't you want Sam to know?" Cas asked trying to be delicate and not make Dean push him away again.

"I am just not ready for him to know" Dean said and Cas remembered his conversation with Sam a few days ago _do you think he tells me everything?_ Sam had laughed at the thought of it.

"Why?" Cas said, he wanted to be able to be open with his love for Dean and Sam was the only one who needed to know before he could be.

"I just am not ready! _Is that ok?"_ Dean asked maliciously and Cas backed off, he didn't want Dean defensive so he dropped it for now. "Seriously, what is taking that girl so long? It has been five minutes already!" Dean said changing topics.

"I am sure she will be here soon" Cas said looking down, he realized that he didn't like Dean trying to be secretive with his love. It made Cas feel like he wasn't _good enough_. Dean saw the look on Cas' face and was about to say something when there was a loud knock on the door and Sam opened it.

 


	17. Care

 

After their abnormal breakfast they continued the conversation from the previous night.

"So how do you plan to track down Crowley?" Sam asked Dean.

"We could summon him" Dean offered.

"Summoning him could be _catastrophic_ Dean" Cas said.

"Or it could work" Dean added optimistically.

"Ya, these things usually go _so_ well for us" Sam said sarcastically.

"We just need to make sure that we trap him,  if he can't get out he can't stop us, besides there are four of us, someone can keep an eye on him at all times" Dean said.

"He's the king of hell Dean!" Sam almost yelled "I am sure that he has backup waiting! Besides, so what if Crowley is sending these monsters after us? Do you really think that they will stop if you kill their leader?" Dean hadn't thought about this before and he considered the possibility quietly for a few minutes.

"Ok," Dean said as an idea hit him "what if we just force him to stop?"

"How do you propose we do that?" Sam asked and again Cas stopped himself from responding, he had made a lot of progress with these rhetorical questions and he wasn't about the blow the whole thing now. "I wouldn't trust him to keep a promise"

"We could sign a contract!" Dean said.

"No," Cas spoke up "I will not allow you to sell your soul to Crowley, you hunt monsters for a living, you can hunt any that Crowley sends" Everyone got quiet and stared at Cas.

"Listen Cas" Dean replied with his voice low and almost menacing "Crowley is messing with my little brother, if you think that I won't do _anything_ to protect him, you would be wrong"

"I can take care of myself" interjected Sam "I'm not a little kid anymore Dean" Dean looked at Sam he wanted to yell and tell him that he would always be his little brother but there were other people in the room and if he said that he might not be able to keep himself from hugging him.

"I know" Dean said quietly "but I have to do this"

"No you don't, we can find another way!" Charlie said.

"Now isn't the time for another _Winchester suicide mission_ " Cas said.

"A what?" Sam and Dean said together and glanced at each other quickly before looking away.

"He has a point" Charlie said "you two tend to go all _kamikaze_ when the other is in trouble"

"Do you have a better idea?" Dean demanded.

"Yes, we could do research and think about this before just running in guns blazing until someone gets hurt!" Charlie insisted.

\---

"We should get out of here" Dean said "I don't like staying in one place for so long, it makes us an easy target"

"Well where should we go?" Cas asked him

"I don't know, pick a direction, _just not here"_ Dean snapped.

"I thought you didn't want to run" Sam said.

"Oh no, we are still going to catch the s-..." Dean hoped no one noticed his attempts at cleaning up his language and cleared his throat to try and cover it up "Crowley, but he knows where we are, we are sitting ducks here"

"Ok, but our move needs to be strategic" Sam said "we have to try to be one step ahead of Crowley as much as possible"

"That's gonna be easy" Dean rolled his eyes as if Sam had suggested they capture a unicorn and ride it into hell. "we don't know where he is or what he's planning"

"We still need a plan Dean," Sam sighed.

"Ok, what if we summoned a bunch of demons and caused an uprising against Crowley, if he is no longer the king of hell he won't be sending these monsters after you guys" Charlie smiled.

"But what if it didn't work? He would just come down here and kill us himself." Dean said.

"Also, I am not sure if hell in anarchy is such a great alternative" Sam added. "Unless" Sam looked at Dean and smiled "what if we put a new demon in charge?" Dean grimaced at Sam, he hated it when he talked about working with demons.

"No, no way, we are not going down that road again" Dean growled.

"Going down that road again?" Sam glared at Dean "I'm not suggesting..." Sam couldn't finish that sentence; he was fuming, he couldn't even look at Dean. "I mean Meg" he said as calmly as he could.

"I don't care I am not teaming up with no demon, I still don't want you around them" Dean yelled even though he knew he shouldn't _it's like I want to start a fight_ Dean thought.

"Are you serious Dean?" Sam said clenching his fists and trying not to kill Dean. "Do you know how long it's been?"

"You know what? YES" Dean shouted "just because you haven't had a hit in a while doesn't mean you don't want it" he really didn't know why he was saying these things but he couldn't help himself.

"I am going for a walk" Sam growled and stormed out of the room before Dean could say anything else.

"I'll go with him" Charlie said and ran after Sam leaving Dean and Cas alone again.

\---

Sam walked fast out of the room trying to stop imagining how good it would feel to punch Dean square in the face. He stopped when he heard Charlie running up behind him.

"What" Sam said trying not to be too harsh.

"Sorry" Charlie faltered and Sam realized that his attempts were to no avail.

"Sorry" Sam repeated and looked down, he hadn't meant to take his anger out on Charlie but there was no one else around.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok" Charlie looked at Sam worriedly.

"I'm fine" Sam said not wanting to discuss it any farther.

"Why did you leave like that?" Charlie asked quietly.

"I didn't want to kill him" Sam said still trying to stop this conversation.

"What did Dean mean when he said _we're not going down that road again_?" Charlie said in her deepest voice in an attempt to recreate Dean's voice. Sam smiled a little at this but then he sighed again his face falling.

" _Ruby_ " he explained "I trusted her, and because of that mistake, I started the apocalypse" he sighed once more and continued "Dean has never really trusted me since, especially when it comes to working with demons"

"I'm sorry" Charlie said quietly "as I understand it though, she tricked you, you thought that you were doing the right thing"

"Where did you hear that?" Sam asked disgruntled.

"I read the books" Charlie blushed hoping that the darkness of the shade tree covered the dark pink that her cheeks were turning.

"Ohh" Sam said, he would have rolled his eyes at this but Charlie appeared to be turning a velvety red.

\---

"You didn't have to bring that up" Cas said raising an eyebrow at Dean.

"It doesn't matter" Dean rolled his eyes at Cas "we are not working with demons again"

"This isn't _just_ about working with demons is it?" Cas asked squinting his eyes and tilting his head slightly.

"Well it partly is, he just refuses to understand" Dean growled and threw himself down on the bed.

"Is that why you won't tell him about us? You think he won't understand?" Cas said calmly sitting down next to him. "That's why you yelled at him, you were angry because you are scared to tell him because you don't know what he will do" Dean was silent. "You know that you don't have to push him away right?" Cas said quietly. Dean got up and moved away from Cas, he knew that it was his fault that Sam was angry but he hated it when Sam suggested working with demons after everything that they had been through when they trusted them. _Cas is right though_ Dean thought. Dean stiffened when he felt Cas' hand on his back and he closed his eyes breathing deeply. "I know that you don't trust him with demons, you have a right not to." Cas' voice was soft as he rubbed his hand slowly up to Dean's shoulder "but he is your brother, you can't continue to push him away like this" Cas slowly pulled Dean around to face him his eyes filled with the loving look that made Dean want to melt.

"I know" Dean swallowed hard, he hated admitting that he was wrong but it seemed ok when it was Cas. "I just don't want him to change again" Dean looked down and Cas realized something for the first time.

"You still see him as your ten-year-old brother don't you" Cas backed away from him and looked at him with... _was that pity?_ Dean thought.

"I just need to protect him" Dean said turning his back on Cas again.

"You need to accept that you may not be right next to him for ever" Cas said with surprising force "he needs space to be his own person and you need to be ok with letting go"

"Letting go of what?" Dean asked a little shocked at Cas' words.

"Your brother, your anger, your-" Cas paused trying to word this right as to not anger Dean "well, your denial of our relationship"

"I am not denying our relationship!" Dean was obviously offended by this and Cas had to decide whether to back off or take Dean's anger.

"You are by not telling your brother" Cas said quietly, a slow tear rolling down his cheek as he turned away from Dean. _This is stupid, why am I crying? I need to calm down, my emotions are running too high._ Cas thought trying to pull himself together.

"Damn it Cas I am not telling him anything!" Dean yelled and pulled Cas around to face him anger burning behind his eyes until he saw the tear that immediately extinguished the flame. "I-" Dean said taken aback and let Cas go. "I didn't-" Dean was shaking, he never meant to hurt Cas like this. "I'm sorry" Dean sat down on the bed watching his world crumbling, he felt like he was going to be sick.

"Look Dean, I am not here to sit on your shoulder and tell you what to do" Cas said his voice muffled by the pillow that he was busy shoving his face into one end and squeezing the other tightly, _he looks like a little kid trying to find comfort in a cruel world_ Dean thought but dismissed it after an upsetting memory from his own childhood ran across his mind. He felt like Dean was so far away from him, maybe he was pushing him away Cas thought. He felt his hot tears brimming in his eyes and tried to hold them back, now was not the time for another explosion of emotions. He had thought that everything was going so well, he didn't like seeing that change.

"I'm sorry" Dean said as Cas looked up, slightly shocked that Dean had managed to get so close without him realizing. He bit his lip trying to hold in a sob. Dean looked at him, his eyes full of love and said. "If it means this much to you, I will tell Sam as soon as he gets back" now Cas really was going to cry he thought, he felt a burning hot tear roll down his cheek despite him doing everything that he could to hold it back. Cas was about to rub it away when Dean raised his hand and cupped Cas' face and used his thumb to gently smooth away the tear.

"No" Cas said softly and Dean quickly dropped his hand. Cas pulled Dean's hand back to where it had been and smiled sadly "not that" Cas paused and took a shuddering breath trying to force his sobs back down his throat. "I mean that you don't have to tell Sam, I want that to be on your own time". Dean smiled, he loved how completely understanding Cas was and he wanted to show him his appreciation but he couldn't think of a single way to showCase how much he loved him and how much Cas meant to him. He grabbed Cas and wrapped his arms around him tightly and affectionately making sure that he wasn't holding him too hard and Cas started to release his emotions and let his tears fall on Dean's shoulder where his head lay.

 

 


	18. Grinning

Sam and Charlie walked back in the hotel room quickly making both Dean and Cas jump.

"Just listen ok?" Sam said quickly before Dean could get a word in "I get it. I know how bad I messed up last time that we-" Sam stopped when Dean's eyebrow shot up "well when I decided to work with demons but that doesn't mean that you can just refuse to trust me ever again, I am still your brother and if you still can't let this go then I should have never come back" Sam looked at Dean for any reaction but he got something that he was never expecting;

"I forgive you" Dean said, he felt relieved that he didn't have to tell Sam about him and Cas.

"Ok then" Sam said tentatively, he was still convinced that Dean was going to punch him. Dean smiled around the room but he paused at Cas' expression. His expression wasn't disappointed or disapproving, it was acceptance. Dean had a growing knot in his stomach as he saw that Cas had _accepted_ Dean's cowardice, that he had _accepted_ that Dean would never tell Sam.

"Can I talk to you alone please?" Dean said pulling Sam into the hallway and closing the door firmly behind him as he pushed Sam into the other room.

"What is going on?" Sam asked allowing himself to be directed by Dean.

"I need to tell you something" Dean said biting his lip to refuse to let his cowardice take over _again_. "I love Cas" he felt the words run out of his mouth before he could stop them, he hadn't even told Cas that he loved him yet, why was he blurting it out to Sam? He closed his eyes not wanting to see Sam's reaction just yet, he must have been so angry with him. No monster could ever make Dean experience the dread that he felt as he slowly opened his eyes.

"I know" Sam smiled.

"You know? Did Cas tell you?" Dean was too relieved to feel anything else at the moment but he was a little interested as to who told him. "Was it Charlie?"

"No" Sam said waiting for Dean to process this syllable before giving him more, when Dean had a good enough _what the hell do you mean Sammy?_ face on Sam continued "Although I have to admit that I am a little offended that you told Charlie before you told me" Sam smiled.

"Actually, she saw us, erm- _kiss_ " Dean mumbled.

"Really!?" Sam laughed but stopped himself when Dean glared at him.

"Anyway how the hell did you find out?" Dean asked.

"Aww come on, you're my brother, you seriously thought that I wouldn't pick up on the signs!?" Sam's smile widened.

"It only started a few days ago!" Dean said indignantly.

"A few days ago!?" Sam laughed. "Dean, try a few days after you met him!"

\---

"Is he going to tell him!?" Charlie squealed unable to keep her joy inside.

"I don't know" Cas said confused "I don't think so, we talked about it but I told him that he didn't have to."

"So maybe he is telling him because he wants to" Charlie's smile spread wide across her face as she looked at Cas.

"He was really against it" Cas said quietly Dean's angry words ringing clearly in his mind. _I am not telling him anything_. Cas bit his lip, he found himself hoping that Dean was telling Sam about them but he stopped this, after all, it was him who said that Dean didn't have to tell Sam until he was ready.

\---

Dean walked back in the room and straight up to Cas, grabbing his hand firmly, and pulled him out of the room without a word. Dean didn't stop or say anything until they were in the field where Dean had found Cas unconscious what seemed like years ago.

"I need you" Dean said as he dropped Cas' hand and stared into his eyes "but you need to tell me everything"

"Everything about what?" Cas said returning Dean's stare.

"About that night that you knocked me out" Dean had remembered what had happened when he saw the couch with the blanket still covering it in Sam's room as he went to leave. "About what happened here"

"I'm sorry" Cas said quietly "I just didn't want to tell you that I- er how I felt" _love you_ Cas screamed in his head, he wasn't sure why he was refraining from telling Dean, but he hadn't yet and he wanted the moment to be special.

"So you knocked me out?" Dean said somewhere in between laughing and yelling.

"I admit, it wasn't a very good idea but I panicked" Cas looked down "I should have just told you but I wasn't ready to deal with what would happen if you felt... _differently_ "

"Ok" Dean sighed any traces of anger leaving his voice "thank you" Cas was confused as to what the point of dragging him all the way out here just to yell at him was. Dean smiled and explained "I wanted everything out in the open" Dean smiled at Cas and continued "it was in this spot that I first allowed myself to realize how much I needed you. I thought that you might be hurt or dying" Cas smiled a little at this but quickly explained realizing that a smile may not be a _normal_ reaction to someone admitting that they thought that you were dying.

"So did I" Cas said, "I felt my heart breaking and I thought that I might actually die from it" Dean looked at him his eyes wide and sad.

"I felt the same way after you left" Dean looked down. _This is the biggest chick flick moment that I have ever been a part of, then again, it is probably appropriate for what I am planning planning_ Dean thought.  "Anyways," he continued regaining eye contact with Cas "I wanted to come back here because I don't ever want to loose you like I thought that I might have in this spot. I wanted to ask you if... Umm.. Well" Dean was having trouble with his words and he closed his eyes to calm down but only for a moment before looking back at Cas and pulling him in closer to kiss him. He ran his hand through Cas' hair and smiled "will you be my boyfriend?" Dean asked.

"I thought that you would never ask" Cas smiled, _for once_ , he thought, _everything is going right_. Cas grabbed Dean and hugged him he loved the feeling of Dean's muscles rippling under his arms. Dean grabbed his hand and they walked back to the hotel grinning.

\---

"We need to get the hell out of here" Dean said getting angry at Sam for insisting on researching first. "I don't care where we go! Just as long as it is not here!"

"Just _calm down_ , we need a few more minutes" Sam sighed.

"Ya, Cas, get  _your man_ in order" Charlie said mocking an annoyed tone. Sam smiled at this but  tried his best to straighten his face when Dean glared at him, he only succeeded in turning his laugh into an extremely unconvincing cough. Cas looked from Charlie to Dean and back again unsure what it was exactly that she wanted him to do. "I'm kidding Cas" Charlie smiled at his still confused face.

"Dean would you like to check to see if you left any of your things in-" Cas was going to say _our room_ but thought better of it remembering the alarming shade of red he turned the last time he said that "in _the_ room?" Cas was trying to calm him down but it clearly wasn't working.

"No, I have been living in hotels my whole life; I think I'd know to double check before we left by now" Dean said louder than he had wanted and looked up just in time to see  a pitying look disappearing from Sam's eyes, _Of all people why would Sam pity him?_

"I found it!" Charlie exclaimed cutting off Dean's thoughts.

"What were you even looking for?" Dean said as he walked over to her computer.

"Take a look" Charlie smiled proudly. She turned the screen towards Dean watching for his expression to change.

"Where did you find this?" Dean asked.

"I hacked into the FBI and put out an unofficial APB on him, it looks like he is in a gas station in California, or was a few hours ago" Charlie sighed, slightly annoyed at the lack of response that Dean was showing "your welcome by the way" she said under her breath. Cas moved forward to catch a glimpse of what they were talking about and gasped when he did.

"Crowley!?" He breathed.

\---

"Ok, I think I know where we are headed next!" Dean said grabbing his bags and Cas and heading down to the impala.

"Oh baby, I have missed you" Dean smiled at his car stroking it lovingly then looked at Cas and his smile widened "well look at this,  _I have_ _my baby... and my car"_

  


 


	19. On The Road Again

Once the car was packed Dean got in the drivers seat and smiled as Sam got into the back next to Charlie to let Cas sit next to Dean. There was a long drive ahead of them and Dean was looking forward to it.

"Oh it's been too long" Dean sighed as he started up the car and the engine started grumbling. Cas smiled at him, he loved the way Dean's eyes were lighting up and _he hoped that Dean would look at him that way_ , _with such fiery passion_. He blushed a very deep red and shifted in his chair to look out the window. He jumped as Dean turned on such loud music.

"It was the heat of the moment" Dean sung dancing as he always did to this song; bobbing his head and pointing at Cas. Cas smiled not sure what to do. _Dean is being so adorable_ Cas thought and laughed, he never remembered feeling this happy before.

\---

In the back of the car Sam and Charlie sat, forgotten by Dean and Cas watching as Dean embarrassed himself for Cas.

"They are so cute" Charlie whispered, her voice was so low that Sam could barely hear her. Sam smiled once he worked out what she said.

"I am so glad that they are happy" he whispered back, he loved that Dean was finally embracing his love for Cas instead of dismissing it as he had done before.

\---

"What the-" Dean said as he stopped the car quickly. They had been driving for hours and Sam and Charlie were asleep in the back seat. Cas and Dean got out of the car to see what was in front of them.

"Don't get too close" Cas warned. "The edge is crumbling away" they stared in silence at what was in front of them before Sam woke up and woke Charlie to see what was happening.

"What is it?" Sam asked unsure if he was still asleep. They stood there in silence for a moment looking down where the road ended. It wasn't like there was a bridge out or the road was swept away by a storm, it looked as if it fell through the earth and now all that was left was a large abyss. Dean  peered out over the edge and dropped a rock down into the darkness. They waited silently to hear the _thud_ when it landed but it didn't come.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" Dean broke the silence.

"I don't know" Cas said quietly. "I will find out if any angels have heard anything" he said and then flew away leaving just the sound of wings and worried stares. There was a beat of cold dead silence as the small group of humans watched the ground crumble away, realizing that their home was slowly _falling_ into the deep dark abyss a hand pulled them all away from the edge and they turned one by one to face Castiel looking terrified.

"What is it Cas?" Dean asked breaking the lonely silence, the look on Cas' face was unsettling and it worried him deeply.

"Let's just leave" Cas said shakily pulling Dean into the impala.

"Fine" Dean said opening the door "but you have to tell us what is going on"

"Yes, just hurry Dean!" Cas said his eyes wide. "Please, it is going to be moving faster soon!" Cas was yelling pleadingly at him now trying to make him understand the peril that this meant. Without question they got in the car and quickly turning around, they sped off in the opposite direction. Dean glanced at Cas who was shaking badly and was very pale, he looked as if he had seen... Dean honestly didn't know what it looked like he had seen, Cas wasn't afraid of anything, _or so he had thought._

"You mind telling us what the hell that was about!?" Dean asked his tone more worried than anything else.

"It was the end" Cas said eyes still wide. Dean stopped the car and turned to Cas who looked at him as if he was pleading for him to continue driving.

"What does that mean?" His voice was gruff and angry but Dean also was grabbing his hand and holding it firmly and comfortingly.  

"I am not sure, all I know is that whatever was there before is gone now, gone forever" Cas said looking down at Dean's hand.

"Where has it gone?" Sam interrupted from the back seat.

"It was destroyed" Cas said turning to look Sam in the eyes.

"You mean everyone who was there is dead?" Charlie asked, her voice almost a whisper. "What could have caused this?"

"I don't know" Cas said quietly.

"What did you see up there?" Dean asked his eyes inspected him closely and landed on his side. "Where you hurt?" Dean was worried, he saw the blood slowly soaking through Cas' shirt.

"Just get us out of here" Cas said stopping Dean's hand as it reached out to inspect Cas' wound.

"But-" Dean tried to move Cas' hand to see what had happened to him.

"Dean! Whatever has happened to me is not the most urgent of our concerns right now!" Cas yelled at Dean once again stopping Dean's outstretched hand. "Whatever that thing is," Cas gestured wildly in the direction of the massive hole "it is going to be moving soon! We are not safe here, we need to move! NOW!" Dean started the car and slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and they flew away, the tires squealing loudly as he accelerated. Dean glanced at Cas again quickly, Cas had grimaced at the sudden motion and was now holding his side groaning painfully.

"Sammy grab the first aid kit from under the seat back there" Dean yelled over the loud noise of the engine. "We are not going to stop, but I won't let you die either" Dean said to Cas' apprehensive glance.

 


	20. Swerve

"You and Charlie are going to have to trade places, there isn't enough room up there for me" Sam said apologetically. Cas tried to heave himself over the back of the seat but he had lost all of his strength and he could barely get his arm over the high back of the seat.

"No, stop" Charlie said "I can get up there easily" and slipped up and over the seat back with ease as promised and grabbed the case from Sam. "Just lay back on the seat" she said calmly to Cas who slowly slid down so he was laying horizontally with his knees bent sharply and his head on Dean's lap. Dean who was not expecting Cas' head jumped a little causing the car to swerve violently into the other lane. He moved back quickly, not that he needed to as it was two am and there was no one else on the road. Cas shifted his head uncomfortably, Dean's lap was becoming increasingly more uncomfortable _his muscles are so hard_ Cas thought as he tried to find a more comfortable position.

"Everything alright up there?" Sam laughed quietly from the back seat.

"Sorry" Dean mumbled, his cheeks burning a bright pink as he shifted under the weight of Cas' head. He looked down to see Cas' pained face, his eyes were closed and he was biting his lip. Dean looked away quickly focusing his attention on the road instead of on the heavily breathing Cas who was currently resting in his lap. This was made more difficult as he saw Charlie slowly unbuttoning Cas' shirt. Dean stared at the road intensely ignoring the warmth from Cas' breathing on his stomach and the smell of Cas. His mouth was open now and it brushed against Dean's shirt as he tuned his head sharply into Dean moaning softly as Charlie dabbed the blood away with a rag. She opened a small bottle of antiseptics and poured some onto the rag. The sharp intake of breath that came from Cas as Charlie held it on the wound sent shivers up Dean's spine. _Focus on the road_ Dean chanted silently at himself. Cas groaned again as Charlie sewed up the wound.

"I'm sorry, there aren't any anesthetics" she whispered to Cas who moaned again as she placed the second stitch. She finished that side quickly and Cas rolled onto his side so she could clean and stitch the wound in his back where the blade went through him and Dean could feel Cas' cheekbone pressing into his left thigh. Cas was breathing heavily and moaning softly into Dean as Charlie sewed up the other side. Soon however, she was done and she placed a pad of gauze on each side over the wounds before grabbing a bandage. Cas rolled his head back facing upwards and pressed his feet into the seat and the back of his head into Dean as he pushed his lower back off the seat so Charlie could wrap the bandage around him.

"There" Charlie said softly as she closed the first aid case and passed it back to Sam. Cas thanked her quietly and slowly moved back up to a sitting position so she could climb back to her seat.

"So you were stabbed?" Dean said raising an eyebrow at Cas.

"Yes" Cas replied weakly.

"But I thought you could heal yourself" Dean questioned Cas intently yet still refusing to look at him.

"I was stabbed by an angel blade" Cas said his voice growing softer as he continued "I don't know what happened..." Cas looked at Dean with pain in his eyes but not physical pain Dean realized _well not just with physical pain_ he corrected himself.

"What is it?" Dean asked pulling off the road looking intently at Cas.

"Heaven, it was overrun with demons" Cas said shaking his head in disbelief "this can't be happening, there is no possible way for demons to enter heaven but they were there. And-" Cas swallowed hard and closed his eyes "and they were all dead, all of my brothers and sisters were dead, except Naomi who was barely alive, she grabbed my coat and told me  _the end is advancing, there is no hope anymore the only thing saving us from oblivion is dead, and we must accept the end of all_." Cas closed his eyes trying to delete the image of death from his memory but it was no use. Dean grabbed Cas' hand and started tracing relaxing circles into Cas' palm, he was trying to calm Cas but also just reassuring himself that Cas was still alive. "It was Crowley who stabbed me" he said quietly. "He didn't aim to kill me though, just to wound me" he said blinking tears from his eyes quickly hoping that Dean didn't see.

\---

"We are at a safe distance now" Cas yawned. His vessel was wounded and he needed sleep in order to start healing. It had been so long since he slept last.

"Let's stop there for tonight then" Dean said pointing to a sign for a hotel. He quickly drove up to the hotel and dropped Sam off at the front to check in while he parked the car. Dean turned off the Impala and rubbed his eyes relishing the feeling of them being closed for a moment before opening them again and pushing the heavy door open. Dean grabbed their bags and walked slowly into the hotel quickly checking behind him to see if the others were following. Charlie was holding Cas up as they slowly found their way to meet Sam at the front door. Sam gave Dean a card and grabbed his bag as Charlie grabbed hers. Dean took Cas from Charlie and quickly found their room. Cas dropped down on the bed face first, utterly exhausted and Dean smiled a little at his _cute_ sleepy form. Dean took off Cas' shoes slowly along with his trench coat and pulled him up the bed and turned him over so that his head was resting comfortably on the pillow. Dean softly pulled the blanket out of under Cas who shifted slightly to help Dean's effort. Soon the lights were off and Cas felt a warm and comforting form sliding into the bed next to him and pulling the blankets over them both. Cas tried to grab Dean and pull him in closer but he was too weak to even lift an arm. Cas felt _pathetic_ it was so easy to forget about sleep but as soon as he allowed himself to feel his tired aching muscles he was utterly _useless_. He should have felt defenseless but that was simply not true Cas smiled inwardly, unable to actually move his lips, Cas knew that Dean would protect him no matter what happened.

\---

_Cas stood in heaven watching it happen. All of his brothers and sisters where there dying at the hands of vile demons and Cas was unable to stop it, any of it. He stood there watching in horror as the massacre of his people was laid out in front of him. He felt a hand grab his arm and a gruff and familiar voice saying "Cas" he turned around and smiled as Dean pulled him away from the horror. The light of his life pulling him out of the darkness. He followed Dean willfully and happily just letting himself be guided by Dean's warm and calming hand. Suddenly Cas was released and he panicked as he saw Dean being held down by Crowley. He had a knife to Dean's throat and it was drawing blood. Dean's eyes closed tightly in pain "Cas" he said pleadingly but Crowley was too quick for him, he sliced into Dean's throat and Dean fell forward. Crowley disappeared into the crowding darkness._

_"Dean!" Cas yelled crying uncontrollably he tried to heal Dean but his powers were no longer working but there was something worse; Crowley had take Dean's soul. "Dean" Cas whimpered and clutched his body close rocking back and forth tears streaming down his face. "Dean" he whispered and looked down finding that he was in a pool of Dean's blood and unable to do anything about it. "No" he screamed breathlessly as he tried again and again to fix Dean, to make this all ok but he had lost him. "I love you" Cas wailed his tears soaking into Dean's shirt as he cradled him in his arms. His emotions were spiraling out of control. He shut his eyes and felt his whole body shake violently._ He opened his eyes to the dim light. "Dean!?" He cried grabbing Dean and holding on for his life. It was the most possessive hug that Dean had ever had. Cas' arms were wrapped tightly around his body holding him as close as possible yet still pulling him in closer. Cas' hand stroked lovingly through his hair as his tears soaked through Dean's shirt. Dean hugged Cas back more powerfully than he ever has hugged anyone before. At this Cas started crying harder. His chest moving in and out quickly and painfully and his breath came out as sobs and in as gasps.

"It's ok" Dean whispered in Cas' ear moving his hand to stroke lovingly through Cas' hair.

"Oh Dean" Cas choked on his tears "don't you ever leave me again" he sobbed uncontrollably into Dean's shoulder. Dean smiled at this quietly for a while knowing that he had been at Cas' side the whole night.

"I won't" Dean hugged him tightly partly to assure Cas that he was still there and always would be, but also to hold Cas' spasming diaphragm in place to stop Cas from passing out. Soon Cas' breathing calmed down and he loosened his grip on Dean.

"Thank you" Cas whispered tears still streaming down his face but more calmly now. He glanced at the clock, it was two am. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was so late" he said sheepishly.

"Don't be" Dean shook his head. "Do you want to tell me what your dream was about?" Cas shook his head like a scared child but then he looked down.

"I was in heaven" he started then continued to explain what had happened in his dream doing his very best to keep his voice steady. "And I was-" he faltered and continued swallowing loudly "I found myself in a pool of your blood, and I couldn't save you" he started crying again.

"Hey" Dean said softly "I'm here ok? And _baby I won't ever leave you_ " Cas smiled a little and looked up at Dean a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Did you just call me _baby_?" Cas sniffed slowly regaining control over himself. Dean's eyes widened, he hadn't thought that Cas might not approve of his pet names. He started to apologize but before he could try to explain Cas smiled and blushed slightly just leaving the _cutest_ rosy color on his cheeks. "What would I do without you" Cas smiled. " _Baby_ "

"You'd be better off than I would be without you" Dean laughed quietly.

"I was lost before I met you, I just didn't know it" Cas said grabbing Dean's hand softly. "I was always lost until you gave me direction" Dean looked into Cas' eyes and pulled him in closer to kiss him gently and reassuringly.

"It was you who saved me" Dean whispered softly as he reached past Cas to turn off the light and pulled him in closer.

"You saved me in more ways than you know" Cas smiled as he moved his body to fit the curve of Dean's, which was comfortingly easy for him to do, and he laid down to sleep for the few hours of the night left in Dean's warm and strong arms _forgetting that there was ever any worry in his life._

  


 


	21. Undisplaced

Sam woke up to a sound outside of the hotel room window. "Did you hear that?" He heard Charlie's voice in the dark room "I am going in investigate" Charlie whispered.

"No, it's 4:30, just go back to bed" Sam said reassuringly but the noise persisted. "Ok" Sam sighed when Charlie ignored him and got up to get her shoes "but I am coming with you"

"I can take care of myself" Charlie said indignantly.

"Famous last words" Sam yawned as he got out of bed. Once they were ready Sam grabbed flashlights and passed one to Charlie as they went out the hotel's back door. Sam clicked it on and shined it around groggily looking for anything that could have been making that noise. "There's nothing here" Sam groaned.

"Famous last words" Charlie said with a quick raise of an eyebrow. Sam gave an exasperated breath and rolled his eyes.

"Fine" he said and continued to shine his flashlight around until it came to Dean's window. "Dean and Cas' room" Sam smiled and shone his bright light through the open window to get a look inside. The light fell on Dean's face who sat up immediately. This startled Sam and he turned to get out of sight of the window but instead he banged his knee into a tall water fountain which immediately fell over with Sam and started spraying at Sam and at Dean's window. Sam laid there quietly for a moment expecting to hear angry voices coming at him from every direction but there were none. He looked up at Charlie who stood nervously laughing and trying to cover it up.

"You ok _Casanova_?" She giggled.

"I'm fine" Sam groaned painfully trying to push himself up and out of the mess but he seemed unable to stand at all and gave up the effort and fell back down clutching his knee.

"Are you ok Sam?" Charlie said becoming serious now.

"Ya" Sam said through gritted teeth "well I think I may have dislocated my knee or something."

"Come here" Charlie said pulling a very wet Sam off the ground and putting his arm around her shoulder as she helped him hobble over to the front lobby.

"What's going on here?" Asked the concierge at the front desk.

"We think he dislocated his knee" Charlie explained quickly pulling up the leg Sam's jeans.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?" He asked

"No" Sam replied a little too quickly. "Erm, no, thank you, she's a nurse" Sam said hoping to avoid any suspicion. Charlie raised her eyebrows at this but she continued anyways. She carefully tried to pull the leg of his jeans over his knee but Sam stopped her.

"No stop" Sam said as quietly and calmly as he could as his knee throbbed painfully when she applied a little pressure to it.

"You need to go to the hospital" she whispered at Sam.

"No" Sam said quietly "no hospitals unless I am dying, we don't want to risk too many questions"

"You fell over into a water fountain Sam, I'm sure their questions wouldn't go too deep" Charlie said trying to suppress her laughter and remain serious.

"Can't you just pop it back in place?" Sam whispered.

"No" Charlie said incredulously doing her best to keep her voice low "I have no idea how, besides, what if it's broken? I could make it a lot worse by _just popping it back in place_ , I won't do it"

"Fine" Sam said "you drive me to the hospital then"

"Dean has the keys!" Charlie tried to keep herself from yelling _You need an ambulance_ at him.

"I have a spare" Sam said quietly.

\---

Dean woke up to a flash of light and glanced hazily around the room. He jumped hearing the monstrous crash that could only have been thunder and as he cleared the sleep from his eyes he clearly saw the rain spraying the window. _It must be raining pretty hard_ Dean thought then fell back down on the bed to a displeased groan from Cas. "Sorry" Dean whispered realizing that Cas probably needed a lot of sleep to heal. Dean looked at the clock and laid back down deciding whether or not to get up as it was 5 o'clock, Dean was always up early and he figured that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep anyways. As soon as he laid back down however, Cas shot an arm out which quickly wrapped around Dean and pulled him into the curve of Cas' body. _I guess I could lay here a little while longer_ Dean thought and smiled to himself and rolled onto his back to make Cas more comfortable. Cas raised his head slightly and laid it down onto Dean's chest breathing in Dean's scent deeply before opening his mouth a little and letting his breath ripple out across Dean's chest. Cas could feel Dean's chest rise rapidly as he yawned and then slowly go back down to its normal level in an oddly relaxing fashion Cas thought and he drifted back off to sleep with Dean's fingers running softly the through his hair. Dean laid there stroking Cas' hair as he contemplated getting up. He looked down at Cas who had managed to wrap himself around Dean in such a way that Dean would not be able to slide out of bed easily, _not that he would want to_ , Dean smiled and relaxed again pulling his arm around Cas and enjoying his relaxing breaths. Soon Dean was asleep again with Cas in his arms. And they rested that way for several hours until Sam knocked loudly on the door and walked in. Dean jumped out of bed quickly and blushed profusely realizing that Sam had seen him and Cas cuddling.

"Why the hell-" Dean cut off mid-scream suddenly realizing that Sam was on crutches. "What happened?" Dean said the blush vanishing quickly just to have it reappear as Cas mumbled "Dean come back to bed" at being rudely awoken again and sat up his eyes widening suddenly as he got a look at their intruders.

"I fell" Sam replied shortly.

"What did you do to yourself?" Dean asked inspecting Sam's cast.

"I fractured my patella" Sam said trying to make it seem ok because he could see Dean's possessive older brother side kicking in. "It's fine though! The bone is still intact other than a small crack, I won't have to have surgery either! Also, this cast is just to ease any pain so it's fine Dean"

"What the hell did you do?" Dean asked showing little comfort in Sam's explanation.

"Ok, we heard a noise outside and went to see what it was but it was dark out and I heard something behind me so I turned to check it out but as I took a step forward I hit my knee on a water fountain and it fell over and I fractured my knee cap" Sam said thinking fast to omit certain parts of the story without seeming too suspicious.

"Why didn't you get me?" Dean growled.

"It was late" Sam replied calmly.

"What time did this happen?" Dean asked.

"It was about 5 am" Sam replied.

"Wait, were you guys outside my window?" Dean asked realizing what woke him earlier.

"Yes" Sam answered forcing an even voice even though he was terrified that Dean was going to realize what he had been doing.

"That was quite a nose you made! I thought it was thunder!" Dean laughed "But what was the lightning?"

"My light must have shone in your room when I dropped it!" Sam said relieved.

"And the rain?" Dean asked looking at the window that was still being sprayed with water.

"I guess the pipe broke when the fountain fell" Sam remembered glad that he didn't have to lie to his brother any more.

"Let me heal you" Cas said to another quick blush from Dean as he got out of bed. He walked over and placed his fingers on Sam's leg. He stepped away quickly and fell back onto the bed. "I forgot" he breathed.

"What's wrong Cas?" Dean asked concerned but hiding it from his voice.

"The demons must have cut off my powers" Cas replied shakily remembering both the nightmarish scene that was heaven and the previous night's dream.

"It's ok Cas" Sam said reassuringly "my knee will heal on its own"  Dean sat down next to Cas and smiled a little. He wanting to hold him again, Dean was longing for the relaxed way that Cas had laid against him just minutes earlier.

"So" Sam winced as he painfully lowered himself into a chair "what's the plan?"

"We have to stop whatever that thing is!" Dean said waving an arm in the general direction of the mobile abyss.

"I told you" Cas said watching Dean with his eyes full of pain "it is the end"

"So how do you stop it?" Dean asked angrily.

" _You can't stop it, one day everything will end. There will always be a last word, a last page, a last scene, a last day, a last kiss. You can hope and pray all you want to stop the end but honestly it won't do any good. One day the demons will rise, the angels will fall, the stars will burn out, even you, Dean, will die. The end of existence is always drawing nearer than it ever has before, the only thing that is different about today is how tangible that end is._ " Cas said as he took Dean's hand in his and stared deeply into his beautiful green eyes, the fiery passion burning bright as it always did. " _Are you going to run, or accept it?"_

"I am going to fight it" Dean said "and so are you" Cas sighed, there was that fighting will that Dean always had no matter the odds.

"You can't expect to go up against the end of all things and win Dean" Cas said trying to muster up the will to fight. "Besides, I don't like conflict" he whispered barely audibly but Dean's pause told Cas that he had heard.

"Then I will go down fighting!" Dean yelled forcefully pushing himself off the bed before Cas' hand could capture him. Cas sat there with his arm outstretched to Dean but he slowly put it down.

"There is no hope in this fight anymore Dean" Cas reasoned.

"I don't care!" Dean said turning his furious passion onto Cas. "Let me die trying to save the world!"

"As you wish" Cas replied, he couldn't argue this with Dean anymore. "But it is going to catch up to us soon, we could let it come and enjoy our final day or we could fight until the end. I just want you to know that there is no stopping it."

"Well then we will at least discover why we have to die" Sam said when Dean sat down dejectedly on the desk. "Let's get out of here and summon Crowley, he led the demons into heaven right? Maybe he knows what's going on."

"I suppose it is worth trying" Cas said still trying to find his inner fight. "Let's go"

 


	22. Falling

Back in the Impala again with Cas next to him and Sam and Charlie in the back Dean was happy. He turned on the radio and "Carry On Wayward Son" came on.

"All right!" Dean said and turned up the radio.

-

_Carry on my wayward son_

_There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest_

_Don't you cry no more_

-

Dean stopped the car suddenly as he saw another edge coming at him. He turned around quickly and accelerated in the other direction but Cas stopped him from getting too far.

"Dean, the edges are closing in on us, we have to summon Crowley here and quickly!" Cas urged him. Dean pulled over and they all ran out of the Impala with the engine still running and the radio still blaring inside making the music just audible over the howling wind. Sam started flipping quickly through a book as the wind tried to blow the pages back at him, he was looking for a summoning spell. He found the page and started chanting the incantation but stopped quickly when Crowley showed up.

"Yes, yes I'm here alright? What do you want?" Crowley sneered at them "you know you can't stop this right?"

-

_Once I rose above the noise and confusion_

_Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion_

_I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high_

-

"What was that siren about?" Cas asked.

"Well I needed you to come find me" Crowley responded. "As much as I hate to say it, you boys are good at covering your tracks, I couldn't find you"

"What's going on Crowley?" Charlie yelled when no one responded.

"It's the end of the world as we know it boys!" he said almost with joy in his voice.

-

_Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man_

_Though my mind could think I still was a mad man_

_I hear the voices when I'm dreaming,_

_I can hear them say_

_Carry on my wayward son,_

_There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest_

_Don't you cry no more_

-

"You know that it's your fault" Crowley yelled over the sound of a tree being pulled down into the abyss his voice full of venom at Dean and Cas.

"Excuse me?" Dean said threateningly.

"It's because of you two that this is happening!" Crowley glared "you were supposed to fall into purgatory!"

"Ya? So who messed that up?" Dean asked.

-

_Masquerading as a man with a reason_

_My charade is the event of the season_

_And if I claim to be a wise man,_

_Well, it surely means that I don't know_

-

"Because I pulled us out" Cas realized.

"If you two had just gone to purgatory none of this would have happened!!" Crowley yelled.

-

_On a stormy sea of moving emotion_

_Tossed about, I'm like a ship on the ocean_

_I set a course for winds of fortune,_

_But I hear the voices say_

_Carry on my wayward son_

_There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest_

_Don't you cry no more_

-

"Dean!" Sam yelled as the ground under his feet began to break.

"Sam!" Dean screamed as Sam fell over the edge unable to move due to his injured leg.

"No!" Charlie shouted and she grabbed Sam's hand and tried to pull him back up. "I'm sorry" Charlie said a tear rolling down her cheek as she turned to face Dean and Cas as the ground underneath her feet fell away.

"No!" Dean and Cas hollered as Sam and Charlie fell into the darkness.

-

_Carry on,_

_You will always remember_

_Carry on,_

_Nothing equals the splendor_

_Now your life's no longer empty_

_Surely heaven waits for you_

-

Alright, this has gone way to far! How do we fix this?" Dean yelled at Crowley a tear making its' way down his cheek.

"Jump in" Crowley said as he stepped to the nearing edge "and all this will be erased" Crowley stepped over the edge falling into the deep darkness.

Dean watched as the impala slowly slid off the edge as well.

-

_Carry on my wayward son_

_There'll be peace when you are done_

_Lay your weary head to rest_

_Don't you cry,_

_Don't you cry no more,_

-

"What do we do?" Cas said looking to Dean for guidance. The crumbling edge gathered around them but stopping leaving only Dean and Cas standing alone in a perfect circle of ground in the surrounding darkness.

"I don't know" Dean said as a hush fell over everything as the wind stopped blowing and as the last notes fell away with the impala.

"Dean, I'm scared" Cas said and grabbed onto Dean holding him tightly, "if we jump we will lose all of this, I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either" Dean said pulling back and staring into Cas' amazing  blue eyes as they filled with tears. "but we are in love, we can find this again, I'm sure of it!"

"I know" Cas said and then paused as a realization hit him, now may be his last chance. "I love you Dean" he said and the words seemed to lighten the ending darkness around them.

"I love you Cas" Dean smiled and pulled him in for one last kiss. Dean pulled away after a little while and looked into Cas' perfect blue eyes. He slowly pulled his eyes away and focused them on the edge. They stood there for just a moment looking out into to darkness before Dean grabbed Cas' hand and smiled at him. Together they jumped into the dark unknown falling through the heavy silence to save everything but the memories made on this adventure.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being such great readers guys! I hope you enjoyed my story :)


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